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Wednesday, May 28th, 2008
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10:32 pm - Belated Rememberance
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Memorial Day has passed, but I still want to take the time to acknowledge a few folks who shaped my life.
Frank J Willaman (dad)
Uncle Earl
Aunt Aggie
Uncle Jack Smith
Uncle Charles Smith
Uncle Bobby Smith
Estelle Priest (stepfather's mom)
Jerome Priest Sr (stepfather's dad)
Jerome V Priest Jr (stepfather)
Violet P Willaman (grandmother)
Uncle James Willaman
Lorraine Shafer (Kim's aunt)
Nora Wanner (mom's friend)
Norman Cox (family friend)
Betty ("with the little eyes") Rampling
Oscar Rampling (loved their pond)
Kate Rogers (mom's friend)
Aunt Irene
Thomas Dureska (creep though he was, he still shaped my life)
Harry Dureska (a truly sweet man)
Patria Brown (Ex's great-grandmother)
Marge French (Ex's grandmother - a wonderful person)
And more that I am too tired to recall right now.
Peace to you all.
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| Friday, May 2nd, 2008
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5:59 pm - Life is great...sucks...whatever
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JOB HUNTING: I had another interview. This was odd, because it was for a company of questionable ethics. I went on the interview Tuesday morning. The people were extra nice and the interviewer actually helped me along with the answers. She seemed to like me. She said it didn't pay "anythuing close" to my minimum. My worry was what to say WHEN they offered me the job. I would have to demand my minimum. Same as before.
But, as before, they didn't even choose me. I don't know why, really, except the money. And I am NOT asking for anything unreasonable here. In face, the person and Express said it was a good range.
But I would at least like the opportunity to turn THEM down. The next candidate was a woman. The HR staff were completely made up of women. Oddly, when I saw the next applicant was female, I thought, "Well, I know I won't get this job." I have no evidence to the contrary. So, I cannot allow myself to slip into negative speak. I am too old, male, or whatever. Something good will come up AND I will be chosen!
Right?
FAMILY: Great news followed my bad news which was not terrible news. After a lifetime of estrangement, my older brother Gary and I have reconnected. And becuause -of all things- Myspace. He sent me a message via Reunion.com to my MSN email that he had a Myspace account and wanted my to approve a "friends request". This was odd, so I assumed it was phishing. And when he didn't respond, I knew it was phishing. But then he responded again, we got set up as "friends" and it WAS my older brother. And, my god, I gotta tell ya, he, Dale and I share so much in common. From likes to sense of humor. From the end of February I have read stories of his childhood and my parents that I never knew. And he is even considering visiting out here this summer.
Bad news? He had a mild heart attack earlier this week. Oh, he is home and fine. He has three stents. And his doctor told him to quit smoking (yay!) AND he found out that he, too, is diabetic. That makes three out of five of us. Dale needs to get tested soon. I don't know about the other sister. But I would guess that she is diabetic as well. This brother has a bad back (like me), too. And we all share a love of computers.
I always assumed he was not interested in the rest of the family. But he asked for contact info for the eldest sister and has sent a friends request for the younger sister. He hadn't heard from her yet, but she is super busy and no online much. But I think she will.
So, we have job hunting blues, family reconnections, bills I can't look at (makes me ill), and so on. Still, when I put it all in perspective, I think my life is fantastic. What will happen will happen. So, I can face it smiling or crying. And in school, they called me Smiley Jr (Dale was Smiley!).
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| Thursday, March 20th, 2008
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8:30 pm - Livejournal Boycott?
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My irritation with Prodigy came at what I perceived was their heavy-handed way of forcing long-time users to pay "or else". I don't like being lied to or strong-armed into action. I still have a Delphi forum, but I tend to forget its there.
Livejournal has choices to make to survive. If it comes to the end of Basic accounts, then fine. That is their decision. I know about business and its not evil. Its charge or die. Having free sites that survive on advertising is a dying model. If you want to survive, you eventually have to have subscribers that pay.
That is unfortunate since I don't have the money, no matter how little, to toss away in online communities. I now do most of my stuff on Myspace. Myspace is not just a bunch of teens looking to hook up. I am part of a community that has reconnected me with my Ohio roots. I am talking to a brother I barely knew and almost never spoke with in forty years.
So, if LJ goes pay, I must leave. Over the years, with the loss of Prodigy and Delphi. I have lost "Mr. Kite", Mike Barkatt, and a host of others. Luckily, Patty is here on LJ. But I go where the "free" communities take me. Eventually Myspace will fold or go to pay only. And if the era of free social sites ends, then I can only hope that something new comes along to keep us together.
Boycotting LJ serves no purpose. The decision is made and made out of the need to survive. They do what they have to do. And so will I.
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| Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
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8:08 am - Last of the Big Three
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With the passing of Clarke, we now have lost Asimov, Heinlein, and Clarke. These were the mainstays of my lunchbreaks in high school and college. He did indeed live a long and full life.
But still the world seems a colder place without them.
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| Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
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1:37 pm - Its Just Not Right
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It was surreal at the time. Now it just feels like the Universe was hijacked. My former employer was not just a former employer. It was part of me. It was who I was. Sure, I was "sorta" looking elsewhere, but I knew that the new President/CEO (and former owner) was about to shift the crap that had been happening back to the correct path. And I was looking forward to being part of it. I made plans. I was just starting to build the new Intra-Office System. We would communicate better, share information instantaneously, stop errors before they became nightmares. The Site Manager was far too out of her element and was too busy working her political agenda (and other things) to work on needed infrastructure. But see, *I* knew. And the new Pres/CEO knew. In fact, it was one of his first priorities to get this system in place. It was time to shine and help make the company, our company, what it should have become last year. And it was happening. I was willing to wait and see how it panned out. I was excited to work with the new Pres/CEO. He has a great repuation. And he liked me.
But I was deceived and brought down, blindsighted, by the Queen Assassin. The Spawn of Evil. The Destoyer. True, I did catch her in an embarassing situation. And I think the former CEO was also embarassed by his hot, childish temper. The temper that cause my wife to lose her job when she was trying to HELP other employees in dire need. So, I was an embarassment to them both. But not the new CEO.
And I know it was the Queen that did me in. They said they didn't need both me and the fella in Washington. Since he had added experience, he was chosen. But a week later, they placed an ad in the paper for my exact position. So, they needed me after all. I was an embarassment and I made too much money. And I stood up for myself (the guy in Washington said I was whiney because I had the audacity to let them know how I felt when things went off kilter).
And I sit here and keep feeling I should still be there. Like I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to help built the company into something bigger and better. And somehow the Queen jumped the timestream, intercepted my destiny and forced me to the dirt to start over. My work was unfinished. My time to shine was stolen from me. And maybe that is what she feared. She was so anxious to get rid of me, she didn't even note that had she waited one more week, they would have gotten a lot of necessary paperwork completed. Now they had bring in people totally unfamiliar to do 1099s and year-end reports and the like. Serve's them right.
There was a kid in high school who picked on me mercilessly. (Though I did fight back). He would come up behind me, turn his school ring around and smack me on the head with it. I tried ignoring him. And I tried fighting back. In the end, I figured it was not worth the thought or effort and I let it go. There are many people I could or even should "hate". But its not in me. I just stay away from them and don't deal with them or their lives. I don't believe in hate.
But the Queen Assassin...she tasks me. (Trek humor there). I can't think of her without just wanting to slap that smile off her face. She is a back-stabbing, power-hungry, self-loving piece of whorish crap. Me being me, I don't wish her harm. I can't. Its not in me. But I have no good feelings at all for her. One day, she will look back on her life. And wonder why she is along, angry, and bitter. Her friendships are all based on lies. That is, if she can ever get over herself. Which seems doubtful.
I follow the rules, I work hard, and I treat others well. That explains why the bank wants to sell my house, I lost my job, my car was repossessed, and what pay I had was garnished. So much for the pros of the Protestant Work Ethic. I told my last two employers that all I wanted was a place to finish out my working life and retire. A place I can contribute, be recognized, and feel a needed part of the team.
I no longer believe that is possible in 21st Century America.
current mood:  cynical
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| Thursday, February 7th, 2008
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4:34 pm - Vote Willaman and Vote for Utopian Fantasyland
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Fairness, fairplay, honesty (forget about truth, whatever that is), and compassion are all dead in America. We embrace selfishness, deceit, hypocrisy and taking advantage of the weak. We leverage for position and use it to F* up the other guy. And we pat ourselves on the back for being able to stab a mark in the back while taking credit for everything they did in the process.
I wish I could run for President and win. I would stamp out the bullshit. Corporate America has run amok. I agree that business exists to make money. But at some point, profits MUST take a back seat to compassion and social responsibility dammit.
I am so freaking tired of working myself sick to add $$$ to some A-holes pocket. And what do I get? I get the honor of being unemployed. In my mind, I was an MVP nominee for that backwards, butt-kissing company. Who got the big rewards and kudos for a job well done? The very ones who were not ever f-ing there. It was the mere peons who ran that G-damn business. And we got (if lucky) the crumbs tossed to us by the freaks who pretended to run the place.
And I have spent the last two freaking days fighting the bank and the payroll service over $300+ that they stole from me. The bank charged me twice for one overdraft on an account I have NEVER allowed to go over. It was a mistake of $1.54 and they charged me two fees totally $62. They sent me proof. I picked it apart. They "apologized for the misunderstanding" and send me DIFFERENT proof. I once again picked it apart. I flat out said they either refund the second fee or I yank my account. Their attitude? Yeah, well, we TOLD you and YOU chose not to read the FINE PRINT. To which I said I did indeed read the fine print and they are wrong. Last word....they effectively said "Really? So what? They are our rules so we will just change them to make us right!"
Then I told the payroll moron that I owed $560 on a garnishment. The creditor reissued the writ, adding $140 in fees. So, now I owed $700. The payroll "service" sent the creditor one $280 payment just as we got the reissue. So, the reissued writ is overstated by $280. (How does that NOT make sense???) I told the payroll idiot that she therefore overpaid the garnishment. Ya know what her reply was? Yeah, well the reissued writ said $900 so she paid that amount. (Remember, there was a payment in transit) So, rather than use the total amount owed on the writ and deduct the payments TO DATE to determine the amount due (ya know, basic math and all), she just stupidly paid what was on the F-ing writ. She said its up to the creditor to give me the money back and its up to ME to follow up. This is the creditor that agreed to a $100/month payment then cancelled it without notice or any justification. (They said, well, the writ was issued so there was nothing they could do!!!!) So, basically, it was her BONEHEAD mistake, but she refused to do anything about it. Bitch.
If I ever find a business or an employer that realizes we are PEOPLE, not cogs, I will pass out from sheer disbelief.
And now for government and the candidates for President.....AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!
current mood:  infuriated
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| Saturday, January 26th, 2008
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11:39 pm - Jobless in Oregon
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Yeah, as of Friday morning, I was no longer an employee of the blueberry farm.
There is more, but I just don't want to delve into it right now. But we will be okay.
current mood:  restless
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| Sunday, January 13th, 2008
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8:02 pm - Tired
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Last month, our friendly mortgage holder returned my last payment because they will now only accept payment in full for all past due along with the current payment. I can't even figure out how we got four months behind. Well, its now five. I told the "solution specialist" that I can make the current payments, but cannot make up the $7,500 in arrears. She offered a loan modification that means we pay current plus a portion of the past due. Great. She sent the repayment packet and I filled it out and faxed it to her. I have left messages over the last two weeks asking for updates with no reponse.
In the meantime, I have applied for loans to pay the past due. I get the same reply. They cannot give me a loan because the credit agencies say I am behind in the mortgage. A fact I tell them upfront is the reason I want the loan. The last one told me to stop because it was killing my credit score. But at this point I don't give a damn about the score. I want my home.
I got an email from someone who said they specialize in people with my problem. Well, they contacted me today through email. He said he can work on my case for me. All I need to do is give him a payment (debit card or check-by-phone acceptable) for just shy of $1,400. This is, of course, non-refundable. My reply was twofold. One, I don't have that much money laying around. Second, it is more that a month's mortgage payment, so what is the logic it indebting myself even more?
I spend time at work and at home trying to work out solutions to this problem. Now, the mortgage lender said I can remedy it all by paying the $7,500 plus legal fees and late fees. So, if I can't pay the past due, how do I add fees to that and pay it off? That was just a stupid suggestion.
One fellow wrote me to say the best solution was a "short sale" of my home. How is that a solution? I can make the payment, that is what is killing me. I just need a way to pay the past due. One idea was to modify the loan so the past due are added to the end of the loan. Why the mortgage lender won't do this, I have no clue. They want their money. But all they will accomplish is they will end up with a house they will have to liquidate in a down market. And that makes no sense at all when I keep telling them I CAN AND WILL make the current monthly payments.
If anyone wins the lottery soon, if you spot me $7,500, I would be you slave for life. I'll keep plugging away. Its all I can do. At least I know I am doing something. Even if it feels like I am carrying this all on my shoulders. Like the added stress is all that I need. I don't want to live like this anymore.
But you have to deal with what life hands you. But if one more thing gets shut off or taken away, I think I will just curl up in the corner and turn to mush.
current mood:  tired
current music: Om Navah Shivaya
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2:22 am - What the...
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Okay, so we lost the internet, I had to unplug the wireless router. Once back, I got zenorac.com back. I immediately copied all files to my local drive.
But what in the name of fairy dust is going on with the internet here?
current mood:  quixotic
current music: Crowded House
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| Saturday, January 12th, 2008
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12:08 am - Zenorac Back, But Not Everything
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I have no idea why, but Zenorac.com now comes up. Newbiesite.com does not come up. I get Indians.com to come up, but Dale gets the Comcast page.
I signed onto Comcast.net and used the online knowledge base. No answers. All I can say is...
I dunno.
current mood:  frustrated
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| Friday, January 11th, 2008
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10:08 pm - Where is Zenorac?
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Kim and I decided to stop procrastinating. She will work on her biz, and I will begin writing again.
I went to Zenorac.com...it will not come up. So, I went to the host, Newbiesite.com. It won't come up. Its been that way for a couple days.
I am worried. I committed the Internet sin of not backing up the site. Oh, I did some time ago, but those files were lost when Camille lost my old laptop I gave her. And once I had this laptop, I never bothered to backup the site. STUPID!!!!
So, what if Newbiesite is out of business? All my work gone. Starting new is not so bad. But losing the history, the family tree, the stories, and the writings after the accident. All gone. I pray not.
I may become very sad.
If anyone goes to zenorac.com and it shows up, let me know. Right now, my stomach just hurts.
current mood:  anxious
current music: Astral Peace
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| Friday, December 21st, 2007
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10:10 pm - Happy Holidays!
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| Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
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8:49 pm - Work Hell
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One of my bosses, the one I LIKED, was fired today. Another boss, whom I despise, worked her manipulative magic on the Managing Partner and helped get him canned. I almost went off on him. I came so damn close.
He stode up to me and asked about the IRS issue. I stared at him and realized he barely made eye contact with me. Then came the magic words. They came slowly and deliberately like he was debating it. The words came out..."So...any...issues..." then the "site manager" popped in the office and the MP looked up, walked quickly to her and they both flashed out the door. I could sense his relief.
Later, he let us know (no one else is to know - although everyone knows) about the firing. He said he really hated doing it even though he was a member of the board and he voted for it. I had some trouble believing that.
Its a bit hectic here right now and I keep losing my train of thought. So, I will try to write more about this later. Let's just say I was a hair's width of probably going home early.
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8:46 pm - K'Nay
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How long has it been? 10 days, two weeks? I spent every evening and weekends trying to figure out why this wireless connection recognizes the router but with no internet. And all the Windows diagnostics would say was it was a problem it could not repair. I tried two different routers. The Belkin finally won.
So...IT LIVES AGAIN! Ha! Ha!
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8:43 pm - Happy Norda Day (belated, as usual)
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Its not that I forgot. I just had one helluva time getting this %^$&# wireless router working. I don't know what a MAC address is, but I HATE it. Still don't know just how I fixed it.
Anyway, I hope you had a superb day!
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| Monday, October 8th, 2007
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9:06 pm - Not Quite Half
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| You Are 44% Evil | 
You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination. |
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| Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007
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10:29 pm - Defending the immigrants and irrational firings
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Kim has been working hard to get help for the farm employees. One was picked up by the INS and is facing deportation although he is supposedly here legally. No one is giving information, so Kim has been going everywhere to find out what she can. She has even spent time with this employee's wife to support her. Then there is another that went to Mexico to become legal, thinking once he paid a small fortune and completed the paperwork (they have been going through this process for a LONG time) he could return legally. However, they denied his re-entry and he is stuck in Mexico. They told him he was on a YEAR's probation. He is still there, but his wife works at the farm and Kim has been helping them as well.
So, the Farm Manager (FM) decides SHE should be the champion of the cause. She knows what Kim has been doing. She spoke to the Managing Partner (MP) and he called me to ask how the FM was and that HE was going to do the initial contact of the immigration lawyer. Something Kim already did. Now Kim's boss the VP of Farming (VPF) supposedly was telling the MP what was happening. In fact, I think I saw an email to the MP telling him what was happening. We were awaiting an immigration lawyer to call and set the appointment.
Well, Kim sent the MP an email saying she was confused about all this and needed clarification. She told the MP that he was the boss and if he wanted to do it, fine, but she had already done some work on it. She sent him the contact info and told the MP if he wanted to take it, go ahead, she just needed to know.
So, the MP reads her email and ASSUMES she is being "insubordinate" and "patronizing". She wasn't. She told him this. He was swearing at her, so she calmly told him to take a breath and stop the abusive language. She was willing to talk but not to have obsenities hurled at her. She said she did not appreciate it. He said he didn't care for her attitude (what attitude? She was trying to calm him down to have a rational discussion). She asked, reasonably, how she was supposed to know what that he didn't know if her boss told her he was informing the MP the whole time. A reasonable question! He told her to talk to her boss (VPF) about separation. So she asked if he was firing her. He was and he did. For WHAT?
She fell to tears while myself, the wife of the immigrant stuck in Mexico, and the production manager listened and offered support. We tried to convince her to stay, calm down, and talk to the VPF. She tried to call him, but he didn't answer. The FM returned and she echanged a few decent words with her and left. The FM kept saying she was sorry, but she didn't know the situation and couldn't help. (Lying bitch).
The VPF called asking for the contact info for the owners because was "tired of all this shit". He, however was at the hospital and that was the last we heard as he quite possibly underwent emergency appendectomy surgery just after. We have heard nothing since from him.
Kim, meanwhile, also asked me to send contact info. She sent the MP an email, copied to all the owners, explaining just what happened and how irrational he is and why this is the reason for the heavy turnover of management. She listed his obvious faults and explained rationally what had transpired. Now, she will not get rehired, even though at least one of the owners was involved in the immigration issue with her and likes Kim and what she was doing. I HOPE the MP gets an ass chewing from the owners. I have my doubts.
Poor Kim is lamenting that she made things harder on ME. I mean, she was worried about ME? I will be fine. Now when the MP fired her, my initial reaction was to quit on the spot. Logic took over and I didn't. But it won't take much. Worse comes to worse, I go through an employment agency and work in town. I could lose my car and hopefully keep the house. Well, I can't see how I can keep my car now anyway, but that's another issue. If they take my car, I will have to leave the farm anyway.
But seriously, Kim stood up and said a LOT of things to the MP that needed said. I couldn't be more proud of her. Even though is hurts a lot right now. She did the right thing. Now they are harassing me about repaying money she "owes" them. I could care less what they do. They cannot garnish me for it. And if they try to take more money from me, once again I am out of there. In fact, if not for the mortgage, I would not go back tomorrow. But when I do leave, it will be without notice, without help, and with a LOT of feedback for the lot of them.
How the other owners respond will go a long way. What I'd like to see? The MP's duties taken away. He cannot run the farm. He doesn't know how. He has to be handled and coddled like a child. He rules by fear and verbal abuse. And I don't want to work for him anymore. But I do for my family. But hopefully, not for long. And I DARE the bastards to make an issue of it with me. Because I want so bad to tell them to go F themselves and just leave.
current mood: angry
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| Sunday, September 30th, 2007
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9:37 pm - Condition of Aunt 'Trina'
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I got a surprise email from my sister. Surprise because I didn't think any of my siblings in Ohio had time or inclination to use email. I almost deleted it since her last name was not familiar. I assume she has assumed the last name of the last fella she was with. :)
She had 6-bypass heart surgery in May. She was in the hospital for two weeks then had to go back due to breathing problems for another week in early June. Her comment was that being on life support was pure hell. She said she'd rather have nine babies at once. :) When she finally got off oxygen a month ago, she went right back to work. She still has two kids to raise (twins aged 16).
Lydia had me tell her hello. She was glad to hear from me as I was from her. I wish I had the money or ability to make her life easier. She deserves a break. We all do. But life is hard. Something that a lot of kids today can't seen to get. But I get the impression that my parents said that of us. :)
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| Thursday, September 20th, 2007
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9:59 pm - Its been a long, long, bone weary time.
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I have not posted in weeks. Lots of weeks. Its been real.
Despite all my prep, the harvest was still a pain in the ass. And the owner and management are the biggest bunch of wankers I can imagine. I can't even begin to get into it.
I think my two biggest items are the lack of respect from the managing partner (who routinely calls to cuss me out, but never apologizes or tells me when I have done anything right) and loss of respect for the "site manager". She has used up all her pity points (new at job, baby, husband with cancer). She crossed the line. She is a back stabbing, conniving, management-stroking, lying, manipulating bitch.
Being the PROFESSIONAL I am (a word the managing partner and site manager could look up) I work with her and I am cordial and respectful to her. More than she can do for me, obviously. I am tired and stressed and sick. I have been sick a lot.
Nice guys get eaten up unless they become what they hate - an ass. I am tired of telling management that I believe I am doing a good job and having them say "whatever".
I am sick. I mean I am as sick as I have felt in a long time. I still go to work. I put up with the BS. And it doesn't matter where I work, its been the same everywhere. Same crap, different office.
I am waiting to see how things pan out over the next few months. A new year may bring a new job. Even if it is the same old. At least it will be a change of venue. And maybe I will fall into that great place. All I know is where I am at is NOT it right now. It has potential. We will see.
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| Sunday, September 9th, 2007
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9:45 pm - And so it goes
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zenorac's journal